June 10, 2013

What is it about my happiness that nobody seems to care about? Why is it that my happiness seems to be below anyone else's own? I don't give a fuck if you're my grandmother, or some old woman, or some kid, or even if you're someone who I don't even know. You speak to me one way, I'll speak to you the very same way. Don't like it? Then don't fucking speak to me like that. It's my life, and I can make my own fucking choices. It's called freedom of fucking speech. If you don't like the way I speak, alright, fine. But don't fucking cuss me off for speaking to you in the same fucking tone that you speak to me. If you're going to shout at me and behave badly, that's exactly how I'm going to treat you. If you're going to cuss me off while I'm in a visibly bad mood, expect me to return the favour, and show you how much of a bad mood I'm in. But all I'm doing is returning the favour. Remember that. And if I have to keep saying the same thing over and over again, yeah, I'm gonna snap. And guess what? Fuck you. That's all I have to say about it. Time's like this, I remember a quote from Jim Young in Boiler Room. He might have been talking about the stock market, but it works here too, "Your parents don't like what you're doing? Fuck you mom and dad." And that sums up how I feel. And then you go off and have the fucking nerve to fucking talk to me about family? When you're fucking divorced cause you decided to treat your marriage like it was a fucking game of poker? When you fucking bluffed your husband that you were leaving, and actually left because he didn't chase after you? Fuck you. You wouldn't know the first thing about family if it fucking hit you in the face with your own fucking words.Fucking hypocrite. You threaten to not talk to me? Go a-fucking-head. See if I give a rat's ass. I've given up on friendships for less. I've stopped talking to my best friends for less. And you think you threatening to not talk to me will change how I feel? I'll probably feel fucking happier without you jumping down my throat for every little fucking thing that I do. And you wanna know why? Cause it's my fucking life. I'll fucking do with it as I want. And you can go fuck yourself with a barbed stick for all I care, cause you might be blood, but you aren't family. Not as far as I care.
Family is supposed to be those people who care for you no matter what. The people who you can go to for anything. The people who you can trust with anything, and the only person who I would consider my family taking that into account is someone who I met over the internet, and talk to over the internet, and I've never actually met in person. So no, you aren't my fucking family. You're a blood relative, and so are like twenty other fucking people. But that doesn't mean I have to like you, or even put up with you. As far as I'm concerned, you're just an old fucking bitch who can't fucking shut up with your barking and whining. And I might not watch a lot of movies, but I know that in movies where the family bitch does that, you take it around back and put a fucking bullet through it's skull. And if it weren't for the fact that there's the law, and the fucking conscience that keeps me from doing it, you'd best believe that I'd fucking put a nice load of lead through your fucking skull. So how about you all just hop off and leave me to my own life. Let me make my own choices for a change. And stop interfering in my fucking life. Just because there's a u in business doesn't mean you need to stick your fucking nose in mine. So fuck off, and have a nice fucking day.

June 6, 2013

Do you ever just have one of those days where it starts off okay, and towards the end you just sorta feel like the people you were once friends with hate you? Yeah, well that's pretty much how today went for me. Like any other day, I woke up, watched TV, read comics, read Clash of Kings, and played around with friends. Maybe I'm just not saying the right things, maybe I'm just being paranoid, or maybe I'm just right, and they don't want to be friends with me any more. Maybe I should just stop putting myself in these kinds of positions, and just stop getting so attached to people. Online and off. It always just seems to end with me just getting hurt. Whatever. If they still want to talk to me, they can come to me. I'm done taking the initiative to talk to people. It always just ends up with me getting ignored, or hurt in the end anyway. Maybe I'll just stop replying and see how they like it. Just disappear, and go do my own thing. Doesn't really matter to anyone if they don't even care about me, right? All I know is that I'm going to stop caring, deal with my own shit, and maybe then I'll go to bed and feel better then next day. Just stop caring what other people think about my life, and my choices. Hardly concerns them anyway.

April 11, 2013

You ever have one of those days when you just think that nothing could possibly go wrong, and then things just fucking spiral out of control to the fiery pits of hell? That's pretty much how today went. I spent the whole day joking around with friends, tired and with a slight headache, but I honestly thought that that day couldn't get much worse than that.
And then History happened. I don't mean history as in some big fucking event that kids will have to learn fifty years down the road. I mean the class. With everyone's least favorite teacher. There are some teachers at this school that people just do not like- and with reason, too. This teacher is on the top of pretty much everyone's list.
First of all, she gives me a topic to do on the board that I just don't get. And it isn't a topic that's compulsory. It was end of the Cold War. I could easily do a causes question, or a impacts question, but I just don't know end of the Cold War. I told her straight up that I had a pretty bad headache, and didn't know the topic well enough to do a question. Right after I had given her two other essay plans for two other Cold War questions.
If that were me, I'd say alright, fine, go sit down and finish up the essay plan you were doing. But no, she made me stand up there and attempt to write a thesis statement (which ended up not being finished because as soon as the bell rang, I was getting called off by another teacher.) And then she has the gall to call my mother and tell her that I blanked out in class, and I don't know enough to write a substantial essay.
It isn't my fault that you're a shit teacher. It isn't my fault you make us teach the topics while you sit back and watch. It isn't my fault that I'm better at topics that you don't give me. So don't you fucking to go my mother and tell her shit about how I'm not doing the work.
And then my mother, the bitch that she is, decided to fucking lecture me about shit that does not concern her in the slightest. I know I won't fuck up so badly I'll get my acceptance to University revoked. Especially considering that they accepted me after seeing what my History grade looked like on the mock exams. If it's good enough for them, then it's good enough for me. So how about you all just stay the fuck out of my business?
I can't even get in the mindset to write the essay plan I had to write for today. I can't bring myself to even think about studying without getting so pissed off that I want to punch my mother and the failure of a teacher in the face. I'm done with everyone's shit. Done talking to people for now. And I'm sure as hell done with work. I'm going to sit back and stare at a word document, pretending to do work while I try to calm the fuck down. Sick. Of. This. Shit.

December 4, 2012

Way to end a day... One of my best friends, this super amazing girl who I met over the internet, emailed me telling me that her parents are afraid for her with her friends over the internet. Meaning that she's no longer allowed to talk to me... I feel sick. Physically, and emotionally. I lost someone who I was proud to call my best friend. But when she emailed me, I went straight to my comics to try and calm down, and I realized something... These comics are so much more than some story about superheroes. These things have some of the most amazing life lessons. Deadpool showed me that even in the toughest situations, you can joke around, and lighten the mood for everyone's sake. Daredevil showed me that you can succeed regardless of whatever may try to impede you. The X-Men showed me to fight for what I believe in, but to know when to stop. Hulk showed me that sometimes you just have to embrace your emotions, and use them to help you. And I just feel like these comics have provided a safe getaway for me to hide away from reality, and to show me that I already have what I need to help me get over this painful loss.

November 23, 2012

Fucking sick of everyone. Not my fucking fault if you don't fucking do your fucking job. Not my fucking fault if your memory fucking sucks. You're just fucking retarded, and everyone fucking knows that. This is absolute bullshit. You're absolute bullshit. Your very existence is fucking redundant. Don't come with your fucking shit about how I don't do your fucking work when I've fucking done everything, and given it to you. You fucking gave it back to me, and you're just absolutely fucking retarded. And then you have the fucking gall to come to me and say that I haven't done fucking shit? No, fuck you. Fuck you, and fuck this school, and fuck everyone and everything. Fucking sick of this.

November 15, 2012

False accusations are really pissing me off. Okay, fine. I have a habit of putting work off, but guess what, this shit is due tomorrow, so no, you fucking telling me that I'm not doing any work, and I'm wasting my time when I'm trying to fucking teach myself how to write the damn paper, something that my teacher neglected to teach us, is just going to make me want to do it even less. And you know what, I don't know who the fuck you think you may be, but you're not me. You don't tell me how I can get the most work done. It happens that I get most of my work done the night before, on my bed with music playing. Just because you're a fucking idiot with no fucking worth on this fucking earth, doesn't mean that you can fucking tell me how to live my fucking life.
My business is my fucking business. Not yours. I don't fucking go out of my way to tell you the millions of things wrong with your fucking life. That, I keep to myself. That, I leave you to figure out on your own. LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! Fucking sick of people and false accusations. They just make me want to do what they think I'm doing since you're already fucking accusing me of it. Peace out, and fuck off.

November 6, 2012

Who said that guys were supposed to be in control of their emotions? Over the past week or so, I've been feeling particularly stressed, upset, and annoyed at everyone. As much as I would love to be more in control of my emotions, its gotten to the point where all I want to do is hide away from everyone, and scream, and shout and cry. Its not as if I haven't tried talking about it, but it seems as if whoever I try to talk to about it either doesn't care, or seem to have issues of their own. But I've reached that point where as I feel as if all those people who come to me for emotional support are absolutely unwilling to return that favour for me, and honestly? That feeling sucks ass.
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